(Note: this installment of the Uranian Observer was deemed "over the top" and was not accepted for publication)

THE RETURN OF THE URANIAN OBSERVER: Jupiter as a Malefic: The Astrology of Pompous Windbags

by Bruce Scofield

I don't suppose there are any among us who, early on in our study of astrology, ever doubted that Jupiter should be equated with "good, better, and best." After all, this planet was regarded by the ancient astrologers as the Greater Benefic. What a title! In spite of the fact that many important astrological writers have associated a few negatives with this planet, like vanity and self-righteousness (hardly negatives compared to the standard discriptors for Saturn), I suspect that most of us have come to expect good things from this planet. We expect that Jupiter will protect us and keep us well-nourished. We expect that Jupiter will help us win the lottery. And we rarely say a bad thing about this benevolent astrological "uncle."

Today, I'm here to expose this planet for what it is. I'm here to rotate the tables of relativity and look at things from a very different angle. A warning is in order: the following information may prove to be too much for some of you and it may be advisable to turn back now. Here it comes, and it only gets worse.

The truth is that too much Jupiter in a natal chart can literally make life worse in the larger sense. Take pompous windbags, for example. I'm talking about people with gargantuan appetites for personal glory and the willingness to share themselves with the rest of the world. These people can be found flourishing in a few very influential professions, notably religion and politics. In these fields, bovine excreta is everywhere. Success is based on the ability to convince oneself of one's absolute rightness. Have you ever heard of a famous preacher or politician doubting themselves, except when the world is crashing around them? My point is that these over-inflated people hold a tremendous power over all of us, directly or indirectly. This is one reason why Jupiter is actually a very dangerous planet.

Let's begin with religion and take a look at the charts of two of the biggest windbags in that profession. Exhibit A (3.15.1935, 1:35 AM CST, Ferriday, LA), is that of Jimmy Swaggart, a televangelist who fell into the same sort of sexual sin that he preached against. First off, he's got Sagittarius, Jupiter's sign, rising. We know about this rising sign, the one that promises more than it can deliver. This is also the rising sign that routinely puts it foot in its mouth. Then look at Jupiter itself, in Scorpio and retrograde, and quincunx Pluto. This is the signature of someone who thinks of sex constantly. Someone obsessed with sex, and with Pluto in Cancer, is probably fixated on female breasts. The problems get worse when we consider that Swaggart's Jupiter is square his Mercury. This is the classic windbag aspect, one that puffs out more than it can breath in, an aspect that blabbers incessantly and invents rationalizations for any and all contradictions. It's Swaggart's Jupiter trine Sun, an allegedly benign aspect, that keeps him confident and believing in himself. Swaggart is a shameless self-promoter who gets away with it by being holier than thou. Is there no justice except that of Jupiter itself?

Now take a look at Exhibit B, the chart of Jim Bakker (1.2.1940, 11 AM EST, Muskegon Heights, MI), another American holy man who has committed sexual sins. What's rising? Pisces, another sign ruled by Jupiter. Don't be fooled by modern astrology, Pisces sure as hell is ruled by our whale of a friend. And there is Jupiter, loud and clear, right below the horizon and ready to rise. Jupiter is not only in Aries, the sign of me, me, me, me, I, I, I (from a song by Patty Larkin), he is conjunct Mars. Imagine, Mars and Aries, symbols of maleness ad nauseum, and both puffed up like a spiny blowfish by Jupiter. Does this guy suffer from testosterone poisoning or what? If you accept that this Jupiter is square Bakker's Sun in Capricorn (depends on your orbal preferences), that's more fat in the fire. Arrogance lives in this chart. Huge, over-blown arrogance and self-importance. Don't tell me that this guy was, or is any way, anything other than a menace to his society.

Politics is the other major profession that is pompous windbag friendly. We are continuously assaulted by people running for office who have an uncontollable need to be bigger than than they are. And these people get into even the highest levels of government. Case in point: President Clinton has Jupiter in the first house, likes hamburgers and plays the saxophone. Do I need to say more?

History of full of examples like this. Take Huey P. Long for example. This guy got too big, he flaunted his power a little to much, and so he paid the ultimate price. Check out the movie about him, "Kingfish", starring John Goodman. Goodman also played Fred Flintstone in the Flintstones movie. Fred Flintstone was a character based on Jackie Gleason's Ralph of the Honeymooners. And who would doubt that Gleason wasn't anything but an overstimulated Jupiterian? Do you follow the logical connections here? In Long's chart, exhibit D (8.30.1893, 4:15 AM CST, Winnifield, LA), Jupiter is the most elevated planet, conjunct his Pluto, and square his Sun and Mars. Long was a physically big man who couldn't hold himself back, and that's exactly why Jupiter is so dangerous.

Another political windbag, so slick that he was called the "Great Communicator," is Ronald Reagan (2.5.1911). Why do I think he's an example of Jupiter as a malefic? Well, for one he promoted the "trickle down" theory of economics which states that if the rich get richer, some of the crumbs fall off the table and they will facilitate the enrichening of the poor. If this rationalization of entitlement isn't an example of Jupiter's worst effects, then the idea that was floated around for a while of his head being carved into Mount Rushmore certainly is. Ronald Reagan up there with Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson? Give me a break! The fact that Reagan was born with the Sun square Jupiter, and also Jupiter opposite the Moon, is proof enough that we've got a case here. And while Reagan's exact birth time has remained a mystery, there are many who believe his rising sign is Sagittarius. My point exactly.

We have just learned that religious and political pompous windbags are brought to us by Jupiter, the Greater Benefic. Jupiter is also capable of corrupting a profession that should be ruled by Saturn. (How did this happen?) Let's look at the chart, Exhibit C (11.9.1934, 5:05 PM EST, NYC), of someone who was a kind of high priest for science (the institution, not the method). Carl Sagan was a very successful science popularizer who may be best known for his excessively repititous droning of the word "billions" in his PBS series, "Cosmos" which aired in the early 1980's. Although Sagan deserves a lot of credit for bringing science, especially astronomy and brain research, to the public, let's not forget his repeated attacks on astrology. Taurus is his rising sign, and Venus, the ruler of Taurus is in Scorpio conjunct the Sun and Jupiter. Jupiter is thus linked through Venus with his Ascendant, an indication of an inflated sense of identity. The alignment that tells us decisively that Sagan was a true pompous windbag is the conjunction of Mercury and Jupiter, both square the Midheaven. His big mouth transmits its big messages (billions and billions of them) to the public. But there's more. Look at his Moon in Jupiter ruled Sagittarius. It's almost exactly semisquare (45 degrees) to Jupiter. Moon-Jupiter double whammy. How big is that!

Carl Sagan may have had good windbag qualifications, but to find the real thing we must go to the fringes of science - on the right, not the left. There you will find a gathering of pompous windbags the likes of which will astonish you in many ways, especially when the many magicians among them perform parlor tricks to keep your eyes off their deft moves. I'm talking about the CSICOP's, the self-appointed guardians of Science.(1) One of the best known figures in this club of men who have created their own exclusive order, a kind of Possum Lodge for the unimaginative, is the incredible (editor: don't change this to amazing, please) James Randi. He's got a Sun-Jupiter square and he will tell you straight out exactly where reality lies, for everybody, no exceptions. Both Randi and Sagan were recently listed in an article as being among the top ten skeptics of all time (Skeptical Inquirer, Jan/Feb 2000), an article that serves as an example of how over-inflated these CSICOP's are. Let's make it clear that it was the CSICOP's themselves who selected these top ten skeptics of all time. (This is like Congress voting for their own pay increase.) Their list includes 7 modern skeptics, including Sagan and Randi, and 3 others, Einstein, Houdini, and Bertrand Russell. Is this an attempt to gain status by a kind of self-created association with greatness? Are these people men (there are no fellow female skeptics that I know of) with too much time on their hands? Is Jupiter behind this sham?

Now let's turn our attention to even larger entities. Exhibit D is the chart of the United States of America, or at least one of an excessive number of proposed charts. (editor: use the 13 degree Sag US chart) According to a paper I wrote in graduate school, July 2nd was the day that John Dickinson of Delaware (who was probably chaste windbag) gave an impassioned plea to the Continental Congress to not declare independence. As Dickinson was highly respected, a vote on the matter was postponed until the 4th. Then, at some point on the 4th, a vote was held and the motion passed. As for the exact time, that's debatable, but there's no doubt about the major configurations of the day itself. My guess is that it took place at 4 PM on the 4th because the number 4 reminds me of the glyph for Jupiter. (While this may be a good enough rectification technique for this article, don't try it at home.) But seriously, take a look at any chart for that day and you'll find that Jupiter is conjunct the Sun and Venus. And if you use one of the Sagittarius rising charts, the expansiveness of the symbolism is amplified.

The good ole' USA, a place where religious wackos first settled in New England and business speculators seeking profits settled in Virginia. There's no doubt about it, Jupiter, ruler of religion and capitalism, was at work here right from the beginning. These settlers were so driven by their superiority complexes and "manifest destiny" rationalizations that the natives didn't stand a chance. The settlers were unsatitable, they needed more and more land. First the Louisana Purchase. Then even California wasn't big enough, this country had to have Alaska. And now the USA, bloated with overweight and morbidly obese citizens, thinks it's the planet's moral policeman. How do we look to the rest of world? That's right, this country is a pompous windbag of the first order. Ask any Canadian or Mexican. They know. But no matter how bad the USA looks, there's always France. Don't get me going about this country which has a Sun-Jupiter conjunction in its most recent chart, the 4th Republic (10.30.1946 - editor, don't bother to print this chart.).

The whole world is out of control, all because of Jupiter. We worship the "rate of economic growth," almost regardless of what this is costing us in terms of quality of life. We think that more computers will save us work. What a myth! I've never worked harder in my life. And the promise that we'd save on paper was a lie - the forests are screaming. Yet we still embrace the philosophy that more, better, and faster technology is a good thing. We cultivate greed by rewarding it at every turn. Even worse, we export our excessive way of life to the developing nations. E.F. Schumacher (author of Small is Beautiful, NY: Harper & Row, 1973) saw through this over 30 years ago, but few listened. He argued that we should stop pretending that ecomonic growth always good and pointed out that economic growth has become the religion of our age. And he did this long before the long bull market and the crush of information produced by the computer revolution. In his own words:

"We've plundered and sacked and raped this planet's capital assets. Clear-cut its forests. Mined away the soil with intensive agricultural practices. Rifled its storehouses of minerals and fossil fuels. I don't know know which of these three increasingly insistent crises - human, environmental, or capital resource - is most likely to be the direct cause of our society's collapse. But I do know that a society which seeks fulfillment only in mindless material expansion does not fit into this world for long. There simply is no place for infinite growth on a finite planet." (2)

Schumacher was on to something along time ago, but the growth maniacs in this country wouldn't buy it. And why should they? Any implementation of his ideas would have lowered the return on their personal profits. It's like telling a kid in a candy store to stop eating. But there's even worse news in the next paragraph.

Ever hear of plague mammals and pioneer species? Biologists recognize that certain mammals, with a high fertility cycle, reproduce excessively to the point where a plague of some sort occurs and the population is reduced to more reasonable levels. This extreme purging actually serves to improve the genetic quality of the species. For the past 2 million years the human animal (pan sapiens) has operated within a fairly balanced ratio of fertility to mortality. But with modern medicine, the birth rate has exploded and the population has gone kaplooey. Here's another angle on the problem from biology. Pioneer species are animals that spread from their place of origin and seize every possible opportunity to extend their range. Eventually, they occupy every habitable niche and their population increases to unsustainable levels. What happens next? A sudden collapse of the population. Sound familiar? Isn't this just what humans are doing this very minute. Population growth is out of control. Here we have more proof, as if any is needed, that growth, especially over-growth, is not only bad, it's deadly. (Fact: the second leading cause of preventable death in this country, second only to smoking, is excessive weight.)

Reg Morrison, in his book "The Spirit in the Gene," argues that uncontrolled human population growth is sustained by the human brain's ability to keep the species in denial of what it is doing.(3) He says that religion and other irrational beliefs like "sustained economic growth" keep us from seeing the precipice in front of us. In this view, religions and political beliefs that oppose homosexuality and abortion are reacting negatively to trends that could actually help the population stabalize itself. It seems that the political right is unwittingly playing a role in the larger process that is moving us towards a massive population collapse. It's the ability of our species to believe the unbelievable, epitomized by the hold that religions and their "ugga bugga" have on the majority of us, that could be the key factor in reaching the critical population figure that is necessary for a proper collapse and purging. And what planet rules religion? That's right. Our fat friend Jupiter. Pass the mash potatoes.

I think I've made a case here. Jupiter creates as much trouble and suffering as any other planet, and probably more. But this titanic leviathan constantly gets away with it! When things get out of control, it's Saturn that comes in to bring things back to where they should be, and then Saturn, who should be regarded as a hero, looks like the bad guy. But there would be no need for Saturn if Jupiter wasn't overdoing it all the time. Here's what I'm getting at. We have a recession (bad) after we have too much inflation. We go on a diet (bad) because we eat too much. The mere existence of anything that contradicts the tendency to get big is labled bad. I suppose one might argue that these two planets represent a complementary polarity, but that's just a theory. Just take a look out there and you'll hear everyone shouting bigger is better. I can't take any more of this bloated stuffing, give me some steamed vegetables.

Wait, I'm not done yet and I've got a lot more to say. First, I've just about had it with our society. All these political windbags running for office, pushing out their hot air at us. These guys are all the same, believers in the olde-fashioned American Dream of more and more for everybody. Meanwhile, they're dependent on the support of the big, big corporations who are heavily invested in growth as the only way to go. It's all a game of bigger is better. The bigger you puff yourself up, the more votes you get. If you are skillful at blowing up your self-esteem to dirigible size, and tell everyone what they want to hear, not matter how fantastic, you'll get even more votes. Anyone who is honest and realistic doesn't have a chance on this stage. Godzilla is king, right?

Talk about politicians and religious leaders telling us the Easter Bunny is real, what about all that New Age positive thinking? Don't you just hate it when some wealthy New Age believer tells you that your car has a broken water pump because you're holding onto negative thoughts? I mean, here's a person whose life is floated by a spouse who makes six figures telling me I'm not rich because I don't think positively enough! What do you call this, courteous and helpful condescension? I call it Jupiter poisoning.

There's even plenty of over-inflated Jupiterianism in the field of astrology. Anyone who decides to call themselves an astrologer, and can back it up with a business card and maybe a brouchure, is unquestionably an astrologer. And those who can puff a little harder, and can back it up with a modicum of astrological study, are "professionals." Shameless self-promotion has become not only acceptable, it's mandatory! We are in a field that rewards entitlement complexes and pomposity far more than it rewards sheer excellence. I'm not saying that there are no exceptions, there are, but I am saying that those with "show-business" personalities are getting the attention, and consequently the meal ticket, while the unassuming, self-reliant, studious astrologers are being left behind. What might turn this around are calls for certification standards (basically a dose of Saturn). Existing educational programs, like those of NCGR, have been ignored or rejected for years by "professional" astrologers with "good" Jupiters. Up until now, anyone with astrological certification and a dollar can get on the bus. I'll see what I can do about that.

I write this article as I suffer under Jupiter's rage. Stationing very close to square my natal Sun, this overstuffed, evil planet is making my life worse by dumping more and more on my desk. Everywhere I look there is more of this and more of that. There's too many things to do, too much fat in my food, too much mail in my box, too much snow on my walkway, and too much noise from giant airplanes flying overhead. And I'm not alone on this on, there's too much computer-created information everywhere. Ray Davies of the Kinks once sang, "there's too much on my mind, and I can't sleep at night thinking about it." It's true, I'm on melatonin. And then there are the people with the big opinions. Oh, they just know everything about everything! I can't take anymore! End transit, end!

If we've learned anything from this close look at the corpulent planet, it's that Jupiter is both a threat and a menace, an astrological symbol to be reckoned with for sure, but certainly not one that should be given the keys to the larder. My advice? Beware of the call for more and more, don't believe in anything but your own existence, and only reward shameless self-promoters by regarding them as a form of entertainment.

1. CSICOP is an acronym for the Committee for the Scientific Investigation of the Claims of the Paranormal. They publish a magazine called the Skeptical Inquierer which has recently (Nov/Dec 1999 issue) attacked articles that appeared in The Mountain Astrologer.

2. The Plowboy Interview, in Mother Earth News, No. 42, November 1976, p. 13.

3. Reg Morrison, The Spirit in the Gene: Humanity's Proud Illusion and the Laws of Nature. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press. 1999.